What's the Story in Dalamory » death

Giving and caring

freda — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 07:38:31 +0000

This is a very poignant little video. You may find it beautiful like I did – it resulted in a cathartic release of tears, particularly appropriate to my worries over the NHS. On the other hand, skip it if you feel too fragile. By the way, I would be interested to know what you think.

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That Little Wave – Again

freda — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 07:13:27 +0000

I love this story….

There is this little wave happily bobbing along in the sea,
and then he suddenly sees that the waves all crash onto the shore.
Understandably he gets really upset.
Then along comes another little wave who asks what is wrong.
The first little wave says, “We’re all going to crash!”
But the second little wave says,
“It’s OK – you don’t understand, we’re all part of the ocean.”

I mentioned it here, six years ago.

My suspicion is that I was probably reading the same book back then, Tuesdays with Morrie. It is an account of Morrie Schwartz – his life and his death – written by a previous student of his, Mitch Albom. Morrie has motor neurone disease and contrary to what you may suppose, it is one of the most uplifting books on living and dying that I have ever read.

I picked it up again this week to help make sense of one of the media topics of the week: assisted suicide or euthanasia. I have written about dying in several places in my blog, indeed it was one of the subjects I studied as a topic in my Honours course in Practical Theology. Over the last 25 years of so my own position on the subject has become informed by relatives who have died and books I have read.

This week the BBC showed a programme fronted by Terry Pratchett, who himself has terminal Alzheimer’s disease. Terry is interested in treatments, but also in terminal care and the implications of assisted suicide. The film - Choosing to Die – shows Terry accompanying a dying man to Switzerland, which is the only place that offers help with suicide to dying people from the rest of Europe.

Leaving aside the ethics of suicide and the legal obligations of relatives and loved ones, there is a point to make as far as I am concerned which shows how flawed the UK position is. If someone is dying and wishes to terminate their life rather than face the pain and indignity of a possible awful death, they are put into the position of having to choose to die sooner than they might wish to, simply to avoid their companions being subject to a jail sentence of up to 14 years on a charge of assisted suicide. To be absolutely sure that there will be no prosecution, the person dying must be able to arrange travel, physically get to Switzerland and able to lift and drink the poison which will kill them.

With regard to my views on euthanasia and assisted suicide in cases of terminal illness, I would want to see a position where everyone is assured of a dignified and peaceful death. Sadly, this cannot be guaranteed. Even more sadly, it too often happens that an individual dies in pain and alone in a medical facility devoted to mending people’s bodies rather than specialised in helping them to die well.

I believe that the way we treat our vulnerable people, our dying people and our disabled people, is a measure of the way we are a caring society. Sometimes we do brilliantly, at other times it all goes wrong. Terry Pratchett is facing a future where his mind disappears little by little; thousands of people face similar things day by day. On a weekly basis here in the UK we read stories of cruelty and abuse towards the vulnerable in our midst.

So – my prayer today is, that all the little waves are helped to overcome their fear, and that we all join joyfully and smoothly into the ocean, where we know the depths of belonging and love.

Less aggressive treatment for the elderly

freda — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 17:17:56 +0000

When I saw the above headline in an article in the Herald, I thought it was going to be about abuse of the elderly. Sadly such abuse is real and ongoing and requires constant vigilance by relatives, friends and visitors. It is an important issue and deserves its own post. However, today, I want to concentrate on the real meaning of the headline, which actually refers to the main argument in a new book by Prof Phil Hanlon.

He states that the National Health Service in the UK is becoming unsustainable and suggests a form of “rationing” or passivity in the treatment of the frail elderly. Now when I was in my twenties a furore was caused when it came to light that notes of patients aged 65 and over were marked D.N.R – Do not Resuscitate. At the time I wondered what the fuss was about….. after all, 65 sounded very old. At least it sounded old way back then; as a 66yr old elderperson, things look very different.

But – and yes I think there is a “but” – we are getting ourselves into a pickle over costs in the NHS and we are also confused about what is the best policy for medical treatment at the end of life. I have seen mentally fragile patients put through extremes of treatment which have caused them great distress and pain, causing me to wonder why on earth it was being done. Yet, as a society, we are judged on the way in which we treat our elderly, our disabled and our vulnerable members.

A week or two ago I wrote about advances in care for those with dementia. Care for people with this illness can be improved in all sorts of ways and I would never suggest that a life is not valuable and worthwhile. But at the end of my life, I would hope that I would be spared invasive, and yes – aggressive – painful medical procedures that may or may not extend my life. Perhaps I am actually saying that we need to learn ways of dying and making dying, where possible, a dignified, pain-free, worthwhile experience.

Where good palliative care exists, it is wonderful. Over the years, as minister, relative and friend I have sadly seen too much that was not good. Instances where the dying person is almost abandoned yet wired up to all manner of equipment. Instances where someone wanted nothing more than a sip of water or a more comfortable pillow……… and no-one wanted to know.

So what does good elderly care represent?
I think it is simple: good care is about justice. It is what we each would want for ourselves and our loved ones. The problem is will that be possible?

The New Year

freda — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 17:11:59 +0000

At this time of year some bloggers post about New Year Resolutions, others concentrate on their most popular posts and some have even given predictions for 2011. It seems there is a common urge to make a significant impact at the start of a new year. I simply want to share a quotation with you and to wish you and all those you love, a very special New Year.

This is by Raymond Carver. He was an American poet and writer, much of what he wrote seems sad to me, but he chose this to be the inscription on his tombstone.

Late Fragment

And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.

A worthwhile epitaph, and one that reminds us of how important it is to accept one another and to share love. For those with faith, I like to think it gives the added bonus of always being loved and accepted in spite of our flaws.

It made me wonder what I would like on a tombstone (or book of remembrance.) What about you?

Norman Wisdom In Memoriam

freda — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 12:30:10 +0000

There is so much I could say about growing up and Norman Wisdom. He came across as being funny, endearing and sincere; he was also a favourite of my Mother’s, which meant I got to see him on TV. A few years ago I saw a documentary of his life in retirement, on the Isle of Man. He still showed the same qualities, but also had a strong independent streak. This youtube clip shows him singing Don’t laugh at me ‘cos I’m a fool. (By the way I am word perfect.) It’s a song which gave me great hope whilst I was stumbling through my teenage years.

Losses and gains

freda — Fri, 28 May 2010 09:57:45 +0000

Unfortunately I have been unable to drive for the last six months because of health problems. However, the day has at last arrived (along with the Certificate of Insurance to prove it,) when I can get behind the wheel again. Typical of me, I can’t help thinking about people who are unable to drive ever again, perhaps because of illness or age or disability, and that brings me on to issues that have been going round in my head.

At university in our Pastoral Care lectures, much was made of the fact that throughout our lives we suffer losses; starting from birth itself, leaving the comfort of the dark, mysterious world of the womb. I always found it difficult to give due weight to the theory that these losses would somehow help to prepare us for the bad losses that inevitably occur throughout life. But as the years go by have been more aware of that truth.

Death of someone close to us is obviously a biggie, as is losing health or losing sight, hearing or even mind. Ultimately we have to let go of this world, and it is true to say that we can only live well, when we have accepted this fact. Knowing our own mortality and weaknesses helps us to have more compassion for others. Understanding that life is a gift and can end at any time, helps us to make the most of each day.

Today, then, is a loss and a gain. It is the loss of not being able to drive. And it is the gain of being able to drive. I’d be interested in hearing other people’s losses and gains this week. But….enough philosophising; time to practice getting the car in and out of the driveway.

Sunshine in my life

freda — Tue, 12 May 2009 21:58:57 +0000

Am back from chasing the sun – not abroad, but in the east of the country. Come to think of it, some of the weird and wonderful places visited in the motorhome could be classed as abroad, or even in another century. Nonetheless, in the course of the travelling around a friend commented on my recent blog postings. “Too much about death and dying” was the comment. So now I have to redress the balance.

Will a visit to the dentist do?

Giving and caring (5)
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That Little Wave – Again (5)
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Past and present

freda — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 15:52:27 +0000

My mother died 16 years ago. Had she lived she would have been 84 yesterday. I used to think it was cool to have a birthday on Bonfire Night. Correction – in those days “cool” meant not feeling warm enough. But I did think it had distinction. Musing on such things through the cloud of sinex spray and vick vapour rub that still surrounds me, I am amazed at how young she was when she died. Not much older than I am now. Colds and coughs apart, I have to say that I don’t feel much like the Little Old Lady she became.

All of that must be that my cold is getting better.

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So that’s what it’s all about

freda — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 22:18:04 +0000

Jung said: From the middle of life onward, only he remains vitally alive who is ready to die with life. There is a lot to think about in that statement. But at its heart it makes living the moment more relevant. Good advice in these troubled times.

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Paul Newman

freda — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 06:42:11 +0000

I was saddened to hear of the death of Paul Newman yesterday. He was so much a part of my growing up and adult life. Paul Newman lived a credible life both in and out of the public eye and he was lucky to be surrounded by close family and friends when he died. It is important to remember that death comes to us all – that fact should affect the way that we live today.

Peaceful Sunday everyone.

Giving and caring (5)
That Little Wave – Again (5)
Less aggressive treatment for the elderly (13)
The New Year (13)
Norman Wisdom In Memoriam (1)

What's the Story in Dalamory » death

Giving and caring

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